So I was attempting to look half decent today by doing my hair. While I was doing this my mind drifted. I began to think of all the comments I have received from strangers, families, and friends that are an attempt to understand having a child with special needs. These comments are often said out off ignorance or curiosity. Have you ever been in a room with a child that is drooling, running around, non-verbal, rocking, throwing themselves on the floor?? Do you prejudge?? Oh HELL,.. admit it..YOU DO!!!...You first look at the child and think " My child would never act like that"...Then after you realize this child may be disabled in some way you look at the mother/father and think "Poor thing". Its okay to admit this because I myself have done the same thing. Look at the mom and she looks as if she never stops and you wonder how she could be satisfied with a child that will never fit in. She smiles and claims her child is going to therapy and is improving. All you see is a child that is still way behind. That will do nothing in life but climb. Climb in the attempt to catch up. Well I am saying this not to make you feel like a horrible person. I say this because we all need to realize we prejudge. Here are some remarks that you should probably avoid.
1. "I'm so sorry"
PLEASE PLEASE do not apologize. I need no apology. I know you are just trying to let the parent know you have an emotion towards their situation. BUT this (in my case) always makes me feel like I am pitied. I cannot stand to feel like I need someone to feel "sorry" for me or my child. It is actually the last thing I want.
2. "He doesn't even look like he has Down Syndrome"
OKAY...So this has been said to me by many friends and family..lol..!!! I love you all but YES Gavin looks just like a lil Down Syndrome boy..!! I know it is said to down play his particular case or make me feel better but I've learned that I love that he has squinty eyes, a lil nose, short in stature....Rather than try to distance myself from having a child with Down Syndrome I have decided to embrace it.
3. "I understand"
Really>>.?? You understand?? lol...I guess this bugs me just because as some mothers are dealing with little things as "My child wont eat veggies" I'm dealing with..."My child struggles to talk, ends up in the hospital atleast once a year from asthma attacks...etc" So I guess sometime I envy the problems some mom's have. This can also just be to let parents know...Don't sweat the small stuff..!!
4. ".................." (This person is just staring)
My child is not a science project on display at some museum. He is a person that is living his life. When you stare at him I feel like you are scrutinizing his every move. It actuall hurts us as parents that you are looking down to our child that we love very much..!! I have found when you stare back at that person they usually feel it. Then as they look at me they think "Oh shit I need to stop staring".....Sometimes this is out of curiosity and I understand but instead of staring you should talk him or me...I love to brag about my child :)
5. "Retarded"
I used this word all the time as a kid. I never thought of a child with special needs when I would laugh and say "That is retarded" SO why can't I use it?? Well I look at it as I would never want Gavin to be called retarded and him question me as to why I use a word that hurts him. Soo..I choose not to use it..!!
6. "How long have you been clean??"
So I had to throw this on in there....I was actually asked this one time...hahahaa....ME..KAYLA PARKER...I was confused at first...This person thought I was on drugs and as a result I had a child with DS. HAHAHAa....Okay I don't think I have to explain this one...its just NOT OKAY..!!
There are many more that I could add but I'll stop...I hope you are not by this time bored with this post and your still reading because I do want to include what I love to get from other people. I love to help. I am an open book. If your curious please ask me. If you have a question ask me. I don't want my sons disability to be a silent elephant in the room. I love to speak about my son.
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